3 Stubborn Child Parenting Mistakes (You Don't Want to Make!)

May 06, 2022

This parenting tips video will help you get clear on the parenting steps that’ll move you away from losing it, feeling exhausted, or just plain ol’ frustrated by your stubborn child misbehaviours. Identify what you need to do to dial down the intensity of fights, meltdowns and pushback… you know, those angry child behaviours that may be putting stress on the entire family.

I’m so glad you’re here because spending time with me in this video’ll, where we’ll dive into “The 3 Most Common Stubborn Child Parenting Mistakes (that you don’t want to make!)", can ensure you're clear on the parenting steps that’ll move you away from losing it, feeling exhausted, or just plain ol’ frustrated by your child.  It’ll also help you identify what you need to do to dial down the intensity of fights, meltdowns and pushback… you know, those angry child behaviours that may be putting stress on the entire family.

BTW if you like what you hear please either like, or pass this video on to someone who could use and appreciate it.

“If we haven’t yet met. Hi There, I’m Kelly, from JoyfullyParenting.com, and I help moms inspire their stubborn children to listen, but without yelling, bribes, or caving in… so everyone can finally enjoy a peaceful AND fun home!” Really, I’m kind of like a stubborn child turnaround specialist who’s been there and done it… like when a dessert plate when flying past my head, but more on this later.

I’ve been honoured to speak with over 1 million parents AND help hundreds of my clients over the past 27 years say goodbye to chronic stubborn child drama in their homes. And here’s one of the biggest things I’ve learned:

Parenting a spirited kiddo isn’t for wimps! It’s downright tough!

So if can you relate to having a kid who questions your every word, or have a child who’s sooooo sensitive, or stubborn that you can’t get them out the door without a meltdown, or herculean effort on your part you’re in the right place!

In this video, I want to guide you to look at what’s behind your REAL stubborn child issue—the one’s that may very well be preventing you from inspiring your kid to be happier, more agreeable AND respectful.

I encourage you to stay until the end because I’ll also give you a link to download the “9-Steps to Confidently Parent A Stubborn Child Checklist.” No matter if you ever work with me, or not, these are the 9 simple things you need to have in place if you really want to rock it when it comes to raising a grateful child, not unintentionally raising a spoiled one who doesn’t appreciate all you do. So let’s jump in…

Stubborn Child Parenting Mistake #1: You believe that your stubborn child’s misbehaviour IS the problem. It never is. Really.

You see, in order to fix the REAL stubborn child problem you need to become like a detective and discover what’s behind the obvious—basically step into their shoes and figure out WIIFT (what’s in it for them). If you REALLY want to transform the stubborn child misbehaviours, that may drive you a little crazy, you need to know one BIG stubborn child secret … so if I’ve lost your attention, you’ll wanna come back and listen up. It’s this…

Stubborn child misbehaviours are never the REAL problem. They are always SOLUTIONS to a problem your child has found. Yes, the talking back, the questioning you ad nauseam and even the dramatic meltdowns are NEVER the REAL problem… at least to your kid. They’re actually solutions to a problem your child has. Truly. This is key. Because if you’re trying to fix your child’s behaviour, but don’t get the WIIFT (what’s in it for them) part… you’re bound to fail and needlessly deal with a difficult angry child cycle. Now let’s take for example a couple of my clients, I’ve got, who’re dealing with rude interruptions at the dinner table.

So Max is a very loud and rambunctious 5-years-old and was driving his parents CRAZY at dinner with interruptions, running off and the most annoying of all… making farting noises. They tried everything… nag, remind, and threaten to take dessert away. And because it was a problem for them, they incorrectly thought it was also a problem for him. This is a super common parenting mistake. But to Max it wasn’t a problem. It was working beautifully for him.

Now before I continue I want you to think about your kid… because this kind of awareness can start to to tip the peaceful parenting scales. What’s one of your stubborn child issues you want to solve? Have you got a kid who makes bedtime an exhausting event that last hours, got a kid who drags their feet with chores, or a child who takes FOREVER to get ready. Whatever it is, I invite you to start thinking like your kid.

In Max’s case, like many stubborn kids, he values control and, understandably, he was brilliantly controlling dinner… every SINGLE night. So we brainstormed how they could get ALL their needs met. It took a week, but then they started to see some  significant changes--could actually have a conversation about their day, without interruption.

So what’s one misbehaviour you want to tackle? How might it be a solution to problem your child has?

How could it meet their values and goals? How is it working for THEM? Do you cave in and eventually give them what they want? Does cross examining your every word make them feel right? Powerful? Do their meltdowns ultimately give them MORE attention?

Okay moving on to Stubborn Child Parenting Mistake #2...which is: You use well-meaning positive parenting methods (i.e. choices, rewards, reminders, active listening) and may be providing the wrong-kind of extracurriculars.

Yikes! "Now wait a minute, Kelly," you may be thinking. "I thought these things were good things… at least some of them." Well, yes… and no.

In a truly stubborn child things that work for other kids can unknowingly contribute to more fighting, bedtime meltdowns, tension, stress, and drama. If you’ve got a bonafide stubborn child living under your roof it can be downright infuriating and disheartening when you realize that what works for more compliant kids, simply backfires with yours.

So have you ever been totally dumbfounded when you see another kid actually DO what their parents ask? Maybe it’s during after school pick up, or at the playground?

A parent says, “Hey, it’s time to go,” and they just get in the car—no questions asked, no meltdown, no running away. Humbling, no? Embarrassing? Yes, sometimes!

Equally infuriating is if you have another child where the positive parenting tips I mentioned work beautifully for them. Yet, they TOTALLY bomb with your spirited kid.

So hear this: Spirited kids are harder to parent! Let me repeat that: Spirited kids are harder to parent.

Why I had one client refer to their third child as “Attila the Hun!” Her husband actually said he would have gotten a vasectomy years earlier, if she had been their first born and they would have had an only child!

Now the final Stubborn Child Parenting Mistake #3 is this: You TAKE AWAY screen time/ devices, or other privileges to help your child learn from their mistakes.

So so so common, but the tricky thing is that over time this type of child discipline approach most often backfires and only teaches stubborn kids to lie, become resentful, or stay in a constant angry state where they fight you on most e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g. Why just yesterday mom, Heidi, in my "Stubborn Child Solutions Free FB Group" shared that her current biggest stubborn child challenge is lying. When this is the case, and it’s common, I most often guide parents to look at this third mistake. One of the things that can help is knowing that…

Strong-willed children are often righteous! Yours? Yes, this is another common stubborn child reality I want you to be aware of… because strong-willed children are often righteous—very aware of how fair and UNfair things are. They’re constantly checking the scales. That’s why if they feel blindsided by their device suddenly being taken away they can turn on you and fast! I know this one well!

You see, twenty-six years ago, before I was a mom, I was struggling with not one… but 2 strong-willed children. Their SUPERPOWERS? Basically, uncovering ALL my child discipline loopholes!

This was sooooo humbling because, at the time, I was actually the “it girl” for children others had given up on. I successfully worked with many difficult special needs kids. When I basically became like a live-in nanny for two brothers, no one else would work with, I incorrectly thought the caregiving gig would be a piece of cake. After all, I’d sorted out difficult cases before… but the night I took a privilege away at dinner…

… the oldest sent a dessert plate zinging past my head. It was then I realized I was in way OVER my head.

Did I mention they were also blind from birth and had beat up their last caregiver on the public bus? Frankly, they would have given Helen Keller a run for her money and when they weren’t bouncing off the walls, they sometimes pounded on them.

I had to learn a better way… and if you’ve got a child who doesn’t take no for an answer… you likely need to, too.

BTW if you like what you’ve heard here and want more information like this I invite you to join my "FREE Stubborn Child Solutions FB Group," or visit me at Joyfully Parenting.Com. Here you’ll find free resources and I’m going live weekly at the time of my filming this. It’s only when we know better can we really do better. I don’t want stubborn child behaviour to continue to take your family down. The sooner you do something about it the better. You deserve a peaceful and fun home… so does your family. And I’d love to help!

If you’re committed to bringing out the best in your stubborn child, establishing a happier home, while maximizing the loving bond you have with your child I’d love to help. So join me on the Stubborn Child Solutions FB Group and I hope to get to know you real soon.

If you’re committed to bringing out the best in your stubborn child, establishing a happier home, while maximizing the loving bond you have with your child you absolutely need to make sure these steps are in place and I’d love to help.

Hope to be in contact soon.

“Join a group of likeminded parents who want REAL strong-willed child solutions that inspire kids to listen… without yelling, bribery, or reminding ad nauseam!”

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