Turns out, exorcising mom guilt is so critical to our effectiveness as a happy and healthy mom that this topic lives within the foundational first step of my SMART Mom Path™, called L.O.V.E. Boundaries™. It’s in this module, where we go head to head with mom guilt using three Guilt Busting Questions.
And I want to share these with you now:
The first guilt-busting question to ask is, “What’s my intention?” You’ll have one… you always do.
This sheds light into what’s going on below the surface.
Second, “What do I want my intention to be?”
This question invites us to take the high road by focussing on what’ll bring out everyone’s best, so we don’t get stuck in our unproductive parenting triggers.
Finally ask, “What positive step can I take toward making my intention a reality?”
Here’s an example: Before I was a mother, I was a full-time live in caregiver for two strong-willed and extremely stubborn brothers—both blind from birth. I was kinda like a modern day Anne Sullivan (Helen Keller’s teacher). Seriously, when they weren’t bouncing off the walls, they were literally pounding on them.
Why I overheard one of their teachers refer to them, when speaking with another colleague, as “hell-on-canes.” I kid you not. It was THAT extreme.
Anyhow, after a morning of nagging about keeping cheerios in their mouth and not spitting them at each other, among other inspiring topics—my patience was MIA. And when dropping the kids off at school, I literally ran for the car—like a prisoner bolting for freedom. It had been a doozy of a morning—of a week, actually. I was exhausted to the bone, I didn’t want to be around them and my chronic frustration was over the top. Worse still, I felt heaps of guilt.
So after using the guilt-busting questions. I realized my intention in nagging so much was to gain control—something I had little of. When I asked myself what I wanted my intention to be… I realized it was peace. So I decided my positive parenting step was to take the eight year old, who had recently adopted an Eeyore-like attitude to… everything, on a special after-school date. While this step didn’t magically eliminate his stubborn child issues (and believe you me… he had these in spades), it did eliminate the guilt I felt for disliking him SO much. More importantly, it began to melt the ice of tension between us and was the fresh start we both needed.
Now I’m curious how it’s going with your stubborn child? What triggers you most? Love to hear your comments. Do you feel mom guilt? Is so, how often? And finally, how do you handle it?
BTW sometimes our guilt is magnified by our unique mom style. If you don’t yet know your mom type I invite you to take my FREE ”What’s Your Mom Type Quiz?” and it reveals your secret alter ego. I also invite you to connect with me by subscribing to my YouTube channel, or FB page.